If a play could smell…
A couple revisits 12 candles for every month of their relationship.
BELLE: Close your eyes.
DAYE: Belle!
BELLE: Trust me.
DAYE: You shouldn’t have. Just being with you is enough!
BELLE: You’re going to love it-
-So, I’ve been thinking about our one year together and how much I’ve enjoyed sharing those memories with you. And because of that, I wanted to give us a chance to experience those memories again! Open your eyes!
DAYE opens his eyes to reveal an assortment of candles in front of him.
BELLE: Happy first anniversary! I bought a themed candle for every month we’ve been together. And it’s YOUR job to guess which memory they are about!
DAYE: That’s so lovely, Belle! Wow, I can’t wait.
DAYE lifts the candle Cherry Blossoms and Nutmeg.
DAYE: February. When we first saw the Cherry Blossoms together. That’s when we had our first kiss!
BELLE: Yes! But make sure to pick them up in order. Here, I’ll show you and you have to guess.
BELLE lifts the candle Vanilla.
DAYE: ….. Wow. I can’t believe I’m already having a hard time with the first one.
BELLE: Wait for it…
BELLE turns the candle to reveal a Macy’s sticker price tag on the bottom.
DAYE: Oh wow! Macy’s, where I met you as one of Santa’s elves!
BELLE: What a magical day that was.
DAYE: I can’t ignore that I was pretty startled when a pretty cashier chick in horned slippers and bells asked me if this tote bag was for a girlfriend. Ah, and I can’t forget that joke where I asked if I could ring your bell and you shook yourself! Your manager thought you were having an episode again!
BELLE laughs. BELLE takes a lighter and lights the Vanilla candle.
BELLE: Can we turn off the light? I just want to set the mood.
DAYE nods and turns it off himself. They are now illuminated by only the Vanilla candle.
BELLE lifts up the candle Cigarette Smoke from the New York Subway
DAYE: Damn, these candles are getting specific. But I know which one this is, this is when we saw that Broadway play Wicked in March.
BELLE: Wasn’t that such a fun play?
DAYE: Yeah, I mean the uncle caught me off guard!
BELLE: The uncle?
DAYE: You know, at the cliff.
BELLE stares puzzled.
BELLE: Babe that’s Lion King. We never saw that together.
DAYE facepalms.
DAYE: Oh shoot. No, you’re right. I must have been thinking about a story my friend told me about when… he saw Lion King.
BELLE lifts the candle Texts Go Green: Mint
DAYE: You got me, babe. I mean, I know it’s April. What does this one mean?
BELLE: You know, ever since I got laid off at Macy’s…
DAYE: -Isn’t working as Santa’s elves kinda seasonal?
BELLE: Well what would you rather me say? They fired me?
DAYE: No babe, no babe. You got laid off.
BELLE: Thank you. Anyway, I’ve just been having a lot of free time. So just been on my phone and whatnot, here and there.
DAYE: Okay, but what does that have to do with me?
BELLE: Well, maybe I should clarify whether or not it’s my phone that I’ve been on or not..
DAYE: What does that mean?
BELLE: Do we want to talk about August?
DAYE: Wait, why are we skipping the May, June, and July candle?
BELLE: Oh my bad.
BELLE lifts up the candle Breeze During Amanda Gorman’s Speech at Obama’s Inauguration.
DAYE contemplates.
DAYE: Obama… president…politics…. democrats… donkeys…. This is for when we watched Shrek for the first time! May!
BELLE: Wow, you’re good at this!
BELLE lifts candle Eye booger, But Butthole.
DAYE: That was a fun night. June.
BELLE lifts the candle Dragon’s Dingle Berry.
BELLE: Shit, you weren’t supposed to see that one. This one was from a while ago from my ex.
DAYE: Figures.
BELLE lifts the candle Hooker’s Hooter Hoochie: Wings and Dip.
DAYE’s eyes widen. He is speechless.
DAYE: What are you doing Belle?
BELLE: Don’t play coy with me. I’ve been checking the bank statements. Hooters, 3 times a week? If you’re willing to flirt with a girl in bells, then what makes me think you’re not going to flirt with a girl with WINGS??
DAYE: Babe, you’re having an episode again…
BELLE: That was August. Let’s see September.
BELLE lifts the candle Victoria Secret: Sexy Bombshell
BELLE: Your bank statements might as well be your ankle monitor. VS purchases dating back to April…. Not a single VS bra or panties in my closet, where are these purchases going to? But don’t worry babe, I can buy myself my Hooters… and own Victoria’s Secret….
BELLE lifts the candle Adam and Eve: Spice Up the Bedroom
BELLE: And my sex toy paraphernalia…
DAYE: HEY! STOP IT!
BELLE: What? The truth’s got you cold now?
DAYEL No, I’m saying stop before you embarrass yourself any longer.
DAYE lifts up the candle Santa’s Cum’ to Town
DAYE: I know what you’ve been doing behind my back. Don’t think I saw you kissing Santa Claus in April? Do you think that I’d believe that Elves at Macy’s need to travel for work AND get extended positions for until April? YOU DISGUST ME!
BELLE farts which blow out the candle, leaving them in pitch darkness.
THOUGHTS: Bro…. I don’t even know…. This was like a shower thought of a play.