A Pizza Hut in a Walmart.

DELIVERY: male, mid twenties
CASHIER: female, mid twenties
COOK: male, mid twenties
CUSTOMER: child, twelve years old

The CASHIER is attempting to open the glued-shut cashier box. It’s December 1st.

CASHIER: Stupid fuck!
COOK: What’s wrong clementine?
CASHIER: Your dumb trick with the pixie stick didn’t work! The pixie dust fell out the stick and now there’s a weird paste inside the cash register?
COOK: Well, what else am I supposed to find lying around here?
CASHIER: We’re in a Walmart! Was the aisle of KEYS not good enough??
COOK: Sweetie..
CASHIER: I’ll Title IX you.
COOK: Can’t do that here, we’re not in a dorm.
CASHIER: Why do you know that so specifically?
COOK: I can just call the manager.
CASHIER: No, the manager can’t find the register like this!
COOK: I’ll tell him the pixie dust was my fault.
CASHIER: No.. I’m trying to not let him know that I need it opened.
COOK: Why not?
CASHIER: I’m trying to get Halloween decorations after work..
COOK: It’s December 1st.
CASHIER: Even better. I need those headless horseman Christmas Trees. The ones with the tops shaved off. They’re the only ones that will fit in my apartment. I think they are a Walmart exclusive.
COOK: No, I think the stock boy just got lazy.
CASHIER: Fuck, someone’s coming.
CUSTOMER: Yooo do you have BeastBurgers?
CASHIER: No.
CUSTOMER: But I thought all ghost kitchens had them?
COOK: Do I look like a ghost bitch?
CUSTOMER: Okay, I’ll just have a regular cheese slice.
CASHIER: Alright, that’ll be-
CUSTOMER: The Ocky way.
CASHIER: Excuse me?
CUSTOMER: Can you make it the Ocky way?
CASHIER: You’re gonna look like one of those Christmas Trees if you keep talking stupid to me.
COOK: You got it little man.
CASHIER: Hey beastboy.. does your mom have in her cart what I think she has?
CUSTOMER: Uhm… a decaying pumpkin?
CASHIER: She’s quick that bitch.. Cook! I’m taking my break after the Delivery gets here!
COOK: Wait, no! I thought we were going to take ours together!
CASHIER: And why is that?
COOK: Cause I was gonna take you out tonight!
CASHIER: It’s 2pm. And also, I never agreed to you taking me out tonight!
COOK: Well.. you can’t shop during your break- the cash register is sealed shut!
CASHIER: Fuck, you’re right. How about this? You get it open- we use that cash to go on our… 15-minute date. I get it open- I’m getting me one of those “I’m Mad for Plaid” t-shirts!
COOK: Or, I could tell you who did it…
CASHIER: But..
COOK: You’ll have to extend that date to after our shift. And I’ll even pay out of pocket for it.
CASHIER: My prince charming.
Okay, who was it then?
COOK: Definitely Delivery.
CASHIER: And why is that? Why would the boss’ son sabotage the cash register?
COOK: That’s what he wants you to believe. But he’s the one you should be looking out for the most. One time.. he asked me to put bell peppers on an order. That’s some nefarious activity-type shit.
CASHIER: What the fuck do you mean?
COOK: I’M ALLERGIC TO BELL PEPPERS!
CASHIER: If I see another mom walk out with a TGIF corkboard, I’m making everyone pay.
COOK: But it’s Monday.
CASHIER: Thank God It’s Fall you halfwit.
COOK: One cheesy pizza slice served the Ocky way!
CUSTOMER: Oh that’s sick! You replaced the pepperoni with lucky charms and cheese with marshmallow fluff!
CASHIER: Wait… kid! Let me see that pizza.. MARSHMALLOW FLUFF? COOK!!!!
COOK: Better get kid! GET!
CASHIER: The cash register! It was you! Why do you even have marshmallow fluff here?
COOK: I didn’t mean to! You were out on your fourth bathroom break and someone wanted change!
CASHIER: How am I supposed to get my THANK GOD IT’S FALL!
DELIVERY: You forgot the bell peppers again Cook!
COOK: I didn’t forget.
DELIVERY: Then what was it?
COOK: I just remembered not to.
CASHIER: Why did you glue the cash register shut!?
COOK: Not so loud, the boss’ son is here!
DELIVERY: YOU WHAT!?
CASHIER: Alright, let’s all relax.
DELIVERY: How long has it been like this?
CASHIER: Just today COOK: Since last week.
DELIVERY: Oh my GOD!
COOK: Relax… what’s marshmallow fluff’s kryptonite?
CASHIER: Mercury? I don’t know what you’re asking me.
COOK: Maybe we pour hot chocolate in the register! Otherwise, how else do marshmallows melt?
CASHIER: It’s only December 1st, festivity cooking essentials aren’t in stock yet.
DELIVERY: Saliva!
COOK: I knew you’d say some gay shit like that-
CASHIER: No, he’s right. We eat marshmallows, they melt in our mouth, and our mouth has saliva!
COOK: So, you’re saying…
DELIVERY: We all have to spit on it and rub it in..
COOK: Bro what
CASHIER: I’m down.
COOK: Sounds like a plan to me.